Aug 21, 2016

"are you tired?"
"no. i'm just happy to see you reach the top." *heart.freakin'.melt*

" did it!!!"

main tumhe bahut yaad kar rhi hoon...

Aug 17, 2016

it's hard to want to reach out and touch you. knowing i can't.
it's hard to want to lean in to you and just be. knowing i can't.
it's hard to want to hear your voice over inconsistent phone connections.

...feeling like every second is so urgent.

it's hard.
some days, too.damn.hard.

most days i wonder of the realities.
our reality.

Aug 13, 2016

they say turning 30 is a pivotal moment in one's life.
well, i was recently welcomed into this exclusive, inspired-laden-season-in-life however, in no way do i attribute my juncture due to age! *eye roll*

age is...
just.a.number - the pit stops in our journey to pause and reflect.
and i have had a lot of that very recently.

travel changes you, they say.
and this, i agree with and will stand in court with a Bible in one hand
-- travel changes you.

the days of preparation to trek in the Himalayas wasn't without its traumatizing times. as i embarked on new experiences, friendships suddenly lost their footholds and legitly, i felt 'attacked' for being who i am.

and so, i blamed myself and only me.

post trek, i returned to deeper blows of even more lost friendships.
this time, the person i have embraced on my travels isn't one to sit and whine about it.

as i walked the harsh deserts and grew to depend on myself,
i begun to let go of who i was, who i thought i was and,
dove deeper into who i really am.

never will i claim myself perfect - i know it isn't all butterflies and yes, some things i hide in shame - yet i have found the courage to finally be me.

this is my time to embrace me.
and if you can't keep up - i won't fret.

i am alone, yes.
but not lonely.

Aug 7, 2016

Dear Ladakh.

what have you done?

you lured me in a way no tangible romance ever could. and you didn't even have to try. you seeped into my consciousness, breathed into me unspoken dreams.

you ARE my unspoken dream..

when doors to you opened, i wasn't sure if i was ready.
i wasn't sure if i could. if i should.

dreams are scary, dreams break you.
and i didn't want you to break me.

the process to you was akin to a rebirth stretching over 9 months.
each time my body and soul begged to give up (which it almost did!), my heart would knock - how much do you want Ladakh? the sudden surge in my steps on steep uphill and downward climbs would always be the answer that carried me through all the doubts and fears.

i was living my dream.

i cried as my naked eye stood before your mountains. how could massive rocks make tears? you seemed to call my name and i would stop right in my tracks, alone on the trails. i stood still and filled my eyes with beauty, my ears enveloped in winds as they made their way through the crevices of you.

i tried to comprehend your lyrcial tunes of stories from souls that found you - broken prides, sadness, love, hopes... all that came before you for healing, growth, for strength.

you send chills through my entire soul..

there was something in the air, in the way you spoke so peacefully to me.

i knew i could call you home.
i WANT to call you home.

i am so in love with all that you are - your simplicity.

the realities of your harsh environments took a toll on me - bleeding lips are the most humiliating pain ever! my skin now dry and burn will never be the same.

as my heart too, can no longer be the same.

you have enraptured me.

even as i write this, i fight to make my way back to you.
i will make my way back to you.

Aug 5, 2016

i miss you
in a way i have never felt
for anyone before

i miss the sound of your voice, the way you sharply slur your words
i miss the smile on your face, the way it slants to the right with hints of teeth
i miss the way you walk, the way you strongly pull me into your arms,
the way you just make me feel - calm.

-- calm.
that's what you do for me
even through this heartache.

this heartache of missing you.