Jul 25, 2015

a lot in my brain, so i braved the rain.
just like a seemingly dead-end,
i'll see the bend.

Jul 21, 2015

grief ...
if there was a meaning to ugly, that would be its face.

heartbreak ...
if there was a meaning to life, that would be its song.

rebirth ...
if there was a meaning to joy, that would be its road.

as i reflect on my years, i am wordless
... this cage begs to explode.
and i, implode.

Jul 13, 2015

ever notice how night consumes light?

it jives you with a beautiful sunset, drawing you in to itself and sensually fades to slow-dancing you right down a path where you suddenly find yourself in a forest of echoes. alone with the wind that carry familiar, taunting questions of regrets and self-hatred.

...in this dark, i see myself with so much light.

the person i feel i am turning into. 

do i like her?
she scares me.

Jun 25, 2015

it's been almost two months since my return from India and i came home utterly overwhelmed and later consciously decided - i must purposely refrain from going through my photo albums nor even try to form extensive words for my heart. but i guess, it's been enough time to... calm down? *ha-ha*

17 days.
se.ven.teen days of walking on soil i never, ever imagined i would.
i mean, why would it ever? my whole life has been a grand repeat of broken dreams!

but suddenly, there's this YES to a very personal desire?

...i get it now -
India was THE cure i never imagined i needed.

a country known for her poverty healed my impoverished soul.

the reality of this dream has breathed new life! the reality of this dream has reignited my love for all things beautiful - people, nature, the very act of breathing and knowing that the world is mine to take and make, despite the falls i will and may have to encounter.

the people i met, the sights i saw, the food i ate.
(finally got to taste some of my midnight YouTube watching of India's street foods!)

more so,

despite the miles, i was found by a soul whom i never would've dared think of.
a soul that found me in places i wander off to, alone.

i am being taught the meaning of loving myself and to taste courage. the dreams i have been invited to glimpse have challenged me to rediscover my own - laid out with clarity and words of admonition and sometimes, harsh reality but, covered with care i still cannot comprehend. 

and dare not take for granted.

such unexpected friendships.
the kind your brain keeps hearing in repeat - who are you and why did you happen to me?

my heart for India may be slathered with human, girly emotions
my heart for India may cause heads to shake and lips to laugh
my heart says to let them because, even i have no idea what is going on

the blank spaces left now ask - aab kya hoga? // what now?
the blank spaces left now believes - kal khoobsurat hai! // tomorrow is beautiful!

Jun 4, 2015

maybe it's the lack of sleep, which is very much by choice.
maybe it's the sudden connection, which is on the whole, not by choice.

oh heart,

how do you calm fire that slowly builds in its quiet, gentle crackling of flames?
the coals bright red, dancing mesmerizing mirages, blanketed in comforting heat.

oh heart, ....--- don't touch.

carefully and purposefully,
wrap these heavy chains around the words, expressions, emotions.

what isn't mine, isn't.

a gift so precious.
but taken, labeled, stamped and sealed.

yet if this could be, there has to be a finale.
dare i make my Creator so small?

let me sleep and dream to the ends of galaxies,
lest i awake to the reality of my uncertainties.